i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
