I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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