i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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