uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
