it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
