I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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