Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
