her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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