Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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