I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
