i already hear my dad disowning me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
