Where are you?
In a non slutty way
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
