you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
