I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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