Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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