haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
