evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
