Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
