We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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