Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
