your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
