I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
