love makes seman taste better
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
