I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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