I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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