after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
