tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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