My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
