Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
