After last night, I could never be a politician.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
