I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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