'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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