I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We got so high we made milksteak
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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