I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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