the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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