i just wanna soil my oats bro
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
