The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
