Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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