My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
