Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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