I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
