Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
