walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
