For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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