Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
