Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
