I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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