I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I haven't been this sober since birth.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
