my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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