PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
