I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
