She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
