is your mom at the bar?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
