ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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