Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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