By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
