If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
