well you can't waste a boner
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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