she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
