I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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