idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
