Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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