The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
