Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
