o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
