I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's Friday. Sex?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
