Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
