Kareoke will never be a sober sport
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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