Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
