she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
