My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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