so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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