It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
