Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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