It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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