people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize