Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
