well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
