I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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