What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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