i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
