whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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