the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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