Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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