DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
