Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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