Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
