First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
