We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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