You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
