Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
