Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
