Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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