Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
