Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
love makes seman taste better
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
