I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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