It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
