I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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