Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
